Complete Fragments Blog

Lately, I seem to spend most of my life feeling torn between opposing forces. For example:

~ I see ads on TV for hair colours, makeup, clothes, etc and I WANT ‘em all! But… I have been trying to simplify my life, to reduce the number of chemicals I put on or in my body, to reduce my spending on frivolous things. How can I be natural and still look really well groomed??

~ I’ve been slowly trying to reduce clutter in our home by selling or giving away things we no longer use. I love how much lighter I feel as I reduce our possessions. But… I see so many things and I just WANT ‘em! I’m such a sucker for bright shiny new stuff. I’ve been very good and generally I resist the urge to acquire, but some days it takes all my strength.

~ Enjoying life and looking to the future while continually grappling with my grief. I swing from feeling so completely destroyed by the losses I’ve experienced to feeling up and positive and planning for cool stuff in the future. Sometimes I think I’m almost manic in the extremes I feel. My poor, long-suffering husband! You feel his pain, right?

~ Adoring my children, feeling so incredibly blessed to have them…. Then seriously considering locking them both in a cupboard and going out shoe shopping! How is it I can be so in love with them, but some days I just really don’t want to be around them?? I think this has much to do with my grief - little things overwhelm me these days. Listening to a grumpy baby is pure torture, where in the past I would have just coped with it.

I wish I knew how other people coped with such opposing internal forces without imploding. Maybe other people don’t suffer from this?

Ok, so in my last post I talked about wanting to get my blogging mojo back… and then nothing, total silence here. I’m so lame and so crap at this!! I so desperately want to be a good blogger, but it’s just not happening… grrrr. Anyway, blah, enough already.

So, I’m feeling pretty wrung out. Last week was a biggie - Miss S’ 1st birthday, Mum’s birthday (all these firsts really suck), Miss S learning to walk and subsequently having several big falls with lots of blood, the TV, DVD  and my computer got cooked in a power surge. And all I desperately want this week is a massage to ease my aching back, but I can’t get an appointment until next week. Anyway, enough, I sound like a bad country song.

Lets lighten this up a bit. Here is a quilt I finished recently. It’s made from cheap Spotlight flannel - I’m only learning and didn’t want to practice on expensive material - and I’m so pleased with how it turned out! It’s so snuggly and the kids love it.

~~~~~

No1Son: Mum, this toy is crapped.

Me: (upon inspection discover it is “cracked”) You mean it’s cracked?

No1Son: No Mum, I mean crapped.

I like his word better anyway…